The jokes
What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Please grind me!
What did the toaster say to the toast?
"I want you inside me."
Why do orphans like to go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
Shut the fuck up, you fat bitch. You always like to roast others, but you can't walk up the stairs without passing out, you fat, stupid bitch. And I caught you breaking into someone's house just to steal a piece of candy, fat-ass bitch.
What do you call someone who makes a joke about Bread society?
The Doughker.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day; set a man on fire, and he'll be warm the rest of his life.
There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.
What's the slogan for a Muslim gym?
Might in dynamite.
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
Yo momma's so fat, when she gets an abortion, she can feed the entire country of Africa leftovers.
1 like = 1 fetus donated to the soup kitchen.
What is the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?
Pikachu, I choose you!
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
Flat girls be like, "I will have breasts in the future." This is to all the flat girls: you will never get it.
You're so fat when you walk into the mall, you *are* the mall.
"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.
The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"
The old man replied, "You're the eighth."
Why were the Twin Towers afraid of the New York Jets?
Because they are afraid of the jet.
What did the Blonde say to the other Blonde?
They don’t know; they couldn’t figure out what to say.