The jokes

I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.

What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?

Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

An orphan entered the high school for the first time. He has no knowledge of the school. He went to the secretary and asked where he shall go. The secretary then gave the orphan a schedule and said to the orphan, “Where is homeroom?” The secretary then asked which homeroom number he was assigned, and he said "1." The orphan then started to weep and said that his parents died right as he stole his first base in baseball.

Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...

Man: Men have to deal with women.

You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.

Why do orphans use water for cereal? Cause their dad never came back with the milk.