The jokes
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.
Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?
A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.
In a deep village in Germany, an old man asked his granddaughter, "What are you doing?"
His granddaughter replies, "Removing Polish with chemicals."
Grandpa said, "When I was young, I did the same."
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
Your mama so fat, she caused a traffic jam just by crossing the street.
I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
Gock gock gock ghghghkghlhglhglhk.
Ever wondered why my gay kids don't play basketball? Because they can't shoot the ball straight into the hoop.
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
What's the advantage of being a grade A paedophile? You know it's not period blood.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To slide into your mom's bed.
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
How ironic is this?! I was playing Jenga before the first plane hit the Twin Towers.
A Chinese, Japanese, South Korean, and North Korean all walk into a bar.
The Landlord says, "Why the same faces, lads?"
What is the difference between Chinese and Japanese?
Some smile, others beam.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
The snowballs.
I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.
I can explain Superman and Batman movies in one sentence.
Two orphans fighting in the rain.
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
What did the pedestrian say after he saw the twin towers fell?
JENGA!!!!