The jokes
I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.
It was impossible to put down.
I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.
It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.
Why did the gay man get raped?
He assed for it.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph? Its butt.
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One is a superhero, and the other is a simple command.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What did the Titanic say as it sank?
I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!
It has been rumored that Disney is developing a movie based on suicide. The title?
Finding Emo.
An emo girl and a squirrel both fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The squirrel. The rope stops the emo girl.
There are 206 bones in the human body, but I’d really like to have 207.
Your hairline so back that back in the day of your hairline, Burger King was called "Burger Prince."
What’s the difference between a woman and a policeman? One of them have rights.
What’s the worst joke ever? Your parents’ relationship.
I looked so deep in the dark web, I started to see Tyrone.
My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.
The librarian then asked me to take it out.
What's the similarity between your money and your life?
It just keeps going down.
An Asian gets a choice between his rice cooker or his son. He instantly picks the cooker and says, "He got a B+ in maths last week; he's a failure!"
I went up to an orphan bully and I said, "Here, look, I made a website!"
The orphan likes it, but the kid says, "I forgot one feature, though... the home button."