The jokes
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...
so Trump can't tweet it.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.
If Chuck Norris was a Spartan in the movie 300, the movie would be called 1.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
Where do sick boats go? The dock!
What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?
"Deja moo!"
There's 10 kind of people in the world. Those who know binary and those who don't.
What did the neutrino say to the planet?
"Just passing through."
Where do the Borg eat fast food?
Borger King.
Three Vulcans walk into a bar.
The bartender asks the first Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The first Vulcan says, "I don't know."
The bartender asks the second Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The second Vulcan says, "I don't know."
The bartender asks Spock, "Y'all want a drink?" Spock says, "Yes."
What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?
The Captain's Log.
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.