The jokes
Why did Sally not save the mountain climber?
Because it was her dad.
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"
Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"
Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."
Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?
There is a small medium at large.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because...
You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.
But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.
And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.
I'm doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled.
It's called "spastics on elastics."
I fucked a Pokemon the other day. It is dead now.
Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know, he hasn't opened it yet.
Chuck Norris knows the location of Atlantis.
Two cats called "1,2,3" & "un, deux, trois" had a swimming race across the channel.
1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
Because of gravity.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.
Why does the nucleus feel trapped?
Because it’s inside a cell!
What's the difference between Arsenal and West Ham?
Arsenal can win trophies and win games.
What's the difference between Cain Dashiell and Down syndrome?
Nothing.