The jokes
"So you dropped my instruments on stage?"
"It was only the Bass!"
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
What did the pot say to the kettle?
"To lick the spoon."
What did the pot say to the kettle?
"To lick the s*** spoon."
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.
I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in the garage.
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
A Ba-na-na-na! (To the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
York High School is the best school ever!
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
What is the most popular fish in the ocean? "A starfish."
What is a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the first period.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.
What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?
They hit their nose on the wall.
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Why did the accountant fall off his bicycle?
Because he lost his balance!