The jokes
Where do you get milk from? The Milky Way, of course!
The reason why Steven H. died was that someone poisoned his chocolate mousse.
Guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You look run down." The guy says, "No, I've come on my bike!"
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
What's red, green, and slimy and slides down the chip shop window?
Abortion of chips.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
Why do only guys have fun? There's only the word "penis" in happiness.
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
To fuck the chicken.
Why did the blind man fall down a well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."
When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"
Chuck Norris was shot with a gun. The bullet was critically injured.
Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.
[God creating Asians] “Alright, and the design is finished, see our new model, the Asian. It has no hair at all.”
Angel asks, “Does it eat normal food?”
God replies, “(chuckling) Oh no, not at all.”
Kid starts shooting people in school, teacher asks “why are you doing that”. He responds, “I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas”
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
God: “Stephen, join us!”
*sees the staircase to heaven.*
Stephen: “Shit!”