The jokes
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
Robin: "The car's not working."
Batman: "Did you check the battery?"
Robin: "What's a tery?"
When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.
These are some of the greatest names ever: Dixie Normous, Dixie Rekt, Ka Monmi, Ice Wallow Kum, Dick Sinsider, Anita Biggerman.
My dick actually destroyed the Death Star.
what did the banana say to the banana?
"u look a-pealing"
Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.
You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.
Someone asked me where to find de wae?
I replied with: Oh, de wea, that's a shop. It's down the road.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
The Windows XP log out sound.
The lunch lady gave me only one carrot. I didn't carrot all.
What did the man's dick say to the man?
I just can't "hand"le it!
Where did Sally go after the explosion?
Everywhere.
What’s the difference between women and condoms?
There isn’t a difference; they’re both throw aways.
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
Snow balls.
Why did the bike fall over?
It was too tired.
I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.
A gay man offers him a drink.
The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.
"That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."
The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.
Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.
They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"
He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."
So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
When he asked who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."