The jokes

The person to make the first cannabinol cookbook had a wife and ate (eight) children.

I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken.

What did the frog say to the pedophile?

What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."

If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?

"I look like an umbrella."

What is the smallest room in the world?

A mushroom.

I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.

I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.

My friend Arid asked me what I did over the weekend. I told him, "I read."

Get it? I read? No... ok.

Hello, Brudas, my name Badabeeyeabolamazoqanba. I, forty-eight-year man from Somalia. Sorry for bad England. I sold my wife for internet connect, and I am level thirteen in Roblacks. If you want to get batter in Roblacks, contact me at Gmail@borakoobama. Send me your bank account information and password. Than I well give you all the cotton you desire. Sorry for bad spelling. I kindergarden dropout.

Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?

A: An egg gets laid.

Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.

You are the joke.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the knucklehead's house...

Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.

Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.

The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"

What did Allah say when he created the universe?

-Allahu akbar!!!

What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

What happened to the blind man's son?

He thought he was hitting a piñata.

Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."

The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."

The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"