The jokes
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
What did the North tower say to the south tower? "Sorry, can't talk, got to catch a plane."
So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.
Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."
And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"
Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"
What is the best part about having sex with 43 year olds?
There are 40 of them.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"But I'm not dead yet!"
"But we're not there yet."
A horse, a fox, and a bunny join together and make a rock band. They started doing tiny gigs, but they got famous and went on tour. They all got so famous it went to their heads, and the band disbanded. The fox made his, and the bunny made her own. The horse was sad that the band was no more, so he went to a bar, and the bartender asked why the long face?
Lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place, but Chuck Norris does.
What’s the coolest thing about having a 12 year old friend...
You get to meet Chris Hansen!
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he forgot to update to the latest version of Microsoft.
What did the banana say to the peel?
“Let’s split!”
My favorite sex position is the JFK:
I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.
What did the triangle say to the circle?
"You're pointless!"
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.
I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.
What's long and can never wait for more for the ladies' action and likes when it gets harder...
Your penis!
This is a joke about Ms. Ploopatoink, a made-up character who is a pink fluffy pony who loves toilet paper.
Why is Ms. Ploopatoink like a toilet plunger?
They both jump in the toilet!
What was the winning play at the leper football game?
A hand off up the middle.
What did the dick say to the asshole?
You need another dick.