The jokes
Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow?
So it could have sweet dreams.
Who are the fastest readers of all time?
People who jumped out of the Twin Towers. Why? Because they went through 13 stories within 5 seconds.
What had more brains than Hitler? The wall behind him.
What do you call someone that is Mexican that has a BMW?
A big Mexican woman.
What's got 6 legs, 3 arms, and 3 heads?
The finish line at the Boston marathon.
I mean I'd tell you a joke about the pizza I ate, but it's just too cheesy.
Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
What's the difference between an ISIS militant base and a Pakistani children's school?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
How do you make Indians explode? Press the red button.
Why did the out of shape cow quit her job?
She got tired of jumping over the moon.
Why can't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.
What’s the best part about twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them.
What's the laziest mountain?
Mount Ever-rest.
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."
Why did Sarah fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up? Because she had no friends.
Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day... only cause I wanted my first time to be special.
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.