The jokes
If I busted an egg on your head... The yolk would be on you... hahaha...
If I busted an egg on your head.... the yolk would be on you... ha ha ha!!!
Why did the little girl flush herself down the toilet?
Because she wanted to join the Brownies.
I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.
What's the second to last letter in the alphabet? Y. Cause I wanted to know.
Some of the best comedians mimic people. I mimic my shadow.
I had the best butterfingers yesterday.
I dropped it.
When Stephen Hawking falls, who does he call, the ambulance or the technician?
What did the south tower say to the north tower? It said: nothing.
9/11 joke.
Why did the man yell at the other? To tell a pun.
Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?
A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.
what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam foot got caught in the door, can you please open it!
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.
The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.
The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.
And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"
A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.
What’s the difference between a living and dead person?
I don’t know, I just bury the coffin.
What’s the best thing about fucking twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them!
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.