The jokes
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain!
Why was the whale sad?
Because he is blue!
I'm looking for women. Put your height, weight, and bra size in the comments.
Why don't Jedis make puns that often?
They usually have to force them. (I hate myself for that!)
Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To end his pain and suffering.
When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?
You got off clean.
A robber robbed a bank and ran into the road and got hit by a car.
The cops said to him, "That's CARma for you!"
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger before my eyes.
Then it hit me.
Science flew us to the moon.
Religion flew us into two skyscrapers.
Why did the vampire go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
I saw a yellow bus and I knew that some-ting was wrong.
The bus was white.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To see his friend.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"