The jokes
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
What's the difference between a cow and a pig?
One is a pig.
Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
What's meaner than taking candy from a baby?
Throwing the baby off a cliff.
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
Why did the little girl's ice cream melt?
She was on fire.
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
My mum touched my friend, but she wasn’t the she’s only 12.
When you lose a game of Kahoot, so you kashoot up the school.
Crucifixion was the first T-pose.
A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.
I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"
"Knock Knock..."
"Who's There?"
"Kenya"
"Kenya who?"
"KENYA OPEN THE DOOR IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE!!!!"
What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
My dad came back!
Three good friends decided to meet in their favorite caffe.
The meetup was a successful one, because they all enjoyed themselves.
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.