The jokes
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh for god's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
I wonder if the Titanic still sells fish?
Everyone when we're in the cafeteria singing happy birthday to some random person: "Happy birthday to you..., Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear
Me in the background: Happy deathday to you..., Happy deathday to you, happy death day dear___, happy death day to you!"
Girls with the name Beoni are white.
Girls with the name Zoe have big foreheads.
What did one canyon say to the other?
You stay here, I'm gonna rise up on ahead.
Want to hear a joke? Look at the Miami Dolphins football record.
What's so wrong about Trump being in office?
He steals all the cats.
My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.
I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.
I went for my routine check up last week, and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?
Bird on the beach: seagull.
Bird by the bay: bagel.
Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.
I can't see the bee.
It's by the beehive.
What's the difference between a humorous bully and a small van driver?
One takes the Mickey, the other takes the Minnie.
At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"
It's ironic that the more other people love you, the more you hate yourself.
"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"
"Shut up and leave the bedroom."
Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."