The jokes
Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.
The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."
The students said, "Oof, that is sad."
The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"
The students said, "Your parents."
The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.
SCP-173 has breached containment. This is not a joke. Multiple Keter class SCPs have breached containment. This is an XK class event. Evacuate the Earth and solar system. The world is ending!
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters
'PNEIS'
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.
Q. What is the most endangered creature in India?
A. The baby girl.
Q: What’s a koala's face song? A: Never gonna give you up BECAUSE it hangs on the tree and the person is the tree?
When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"
You: OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THE KRAP THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGH!
The other person: Who?
You aka answer: Your Butt cheeks.
What's yellow but can't swim?
A bus full of children.
What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?
One had the last supper.
Have you seen the movie "Constipated?"
It hasn’t come out yet.
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
The Titanic basically nominated all the passengers for the ice bucket challenge.
Your mom is so fat, she can't make it through the door.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
Why can't orphans go to a school field trip?
Because he needs the parent's signature.
Why is the Tower of Pisa tilted?
Because it had more reflects than the Twin Towers.