The jokes
-->[] go through the door if you can.
Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and a boomerang?
The boomerang is guaranteed to come back.
What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus?
The picture only takes one nail to hang.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Can you walk the dog for me?
Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Act like a nut.
(Psst! Heard this joke before? Sorry! That's the only nut-and-squirrel joke I know.)
What do you call people who jump into the Hoover Dam?
Dam fools.
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?
Both their parents were separated.
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
Why did the actor fall through the floor?
He was just going through a stage!
Kid: I want to be like Batman.
Genie: I can make arrangements. The kid comes home, both of his parents are dead.
Genie: I told you.
Kid: .............................................
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? An apple gets picked.
Teacher: What does a cow say?
Susie: Moo.
Teacher: Good. Now what does a duck say?
Jimmy: The duck goes quack.
Teacher: Now what does a pig say?
Little Jonny: A pig says, "Get up against the wall, you black motherfucker!"
Why did the orphan go outside the school?
Answer: Because it was take your parents to school day.
A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.
The sun is fire.
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
Why did the astronaut bring the seeds to space?
Because he wants to planet the seed! 🤣🤣🤣