Tending jokes
Q: You want to know why I don’t make jokes about 9/11?
A: They tend to crash and burn.
I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.
I tend to think my ‘depression’ is for attention. I guess I have depressed depression.
Why is a sick person and California similar? They tend to burn up.
What do planes and offices have in common?
They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.
Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.
Saying a Kobe joke after he died tends to ignite a fire in the people you say it to.
I don't like Twin Tower jokes. They always tend to crash and burn.
Isn't it ironic that the actually nice people tend to be suicidal?
Think about it: suicide exists to make sure bad people bother each other instead.
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
Why don't booties get invited to parties?
They tend to CRACK people up!
Short people tend to get angry easily...
'Cause they're so close to the ground, their anger doesn't dissipate easily...
It isn't funny to joke about 9/11. The jokes tend to crash and burn.
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.
Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?
Your tits look heavy. Need help holding them up?
Free service for tit holding!
Community talk
Hello, my name is Brenda. Imagine for a second that you’re me: An adult orphan kicked out of foster care at the tender age of 18. No family. No money. No love. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide from the big bad world suddenly at your feet. Forced to grow-up practically overnight or face homelessness and extreme adversity.
Fucked, in every sense of the world.
Then, imagine, you’re somehow able to beat the odds and get… Read more
When you first see an okapi, you might think it's related to a horse or a zebra. Its body and neck are horse-like, and its legs have black-and-white stripes like a zebra does. But the okapi is not related to a horse or a zebra; its closest relative is actually the giraffe. In fact, okapis are sometimes called forest giraffes, since they live mainly in the rain forests of central Africa. An okapi's relationship to a g… Read more
GENESIS 30 1When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!” 2Jacob became angry with her and said, “Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?” 3Then she said, “Here is Bilhah, my servant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and I too can build a family through her.” 4So she gave… Read more