Start jokes

Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.

I looked so deep in the dark web, I started to see Tyrone.

"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."

"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."

Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.

Random words in my keyboard:

The most annoying part of this game has always been that the players don’t know how much time it takes to get to the table before you start playing them.

How did a man know his wife died?

Dishis start piling up.

Yo mama was so fat that she jumped so hard, and the earth started shaking like an earthquake.

What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.

It's all fun and games until they start dancing.

Mbu some guys look financially stable until you start dating them... Mbu wait I see how this week goes...🤔

I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.

We must start a propaganda for baked beans.

When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"

So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD

School shooting: Happens.

Foreign Exchange Student: Starts sobbing under desk.

American Student: "First time?"

Q: Why did the Mexican start taking anti-anxiety pills?

A: Because he was taking them for His-panic attacks.

I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.

I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.