SOS jokes
Me: *sprays some perfume on myself*
Friend: Omg, that smells so good! You’re so aromatic, how do you not have a bf yet?
Me: ... I’m aromantic and aromatic. I do not desire romantic relationships with others although I do enjoy carrying lovely scents with me.
My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).
So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."
"Yo mama so bad we gotta switch to yo papa."
Why was the booty so good at poker?
Because it always had a good PAIR.
My friend called me fat, so I challenged him to a running race.
Memes
You're so skinny that people can't even see you.
You're so skinny, death mistook you for dead.
Yo mama so fat, when she went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."
Yo mama so ugly, she went to a fat concert and they said no experts allowed! 😂
Your hairline is so far back even The Rock Johnson couldn't find it.
You're so fat you sunk Captain Crunch's ship.
You're so fat your blood type is Nutella.
Why is the divorce rate among socks so high?
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
Because they already lost two towers!
So I went up to a crying kid and asked, "Where's your mommy?"
God, I love working at an orphanage.
Yo mama is so ugly, even the ugliest person in the world looked like a sword standing next to her.
The person next to me on my flight was shocked when they found out I was Arabian. I lagged so hard my gerber almost fell out of my pocket.
1. Your brother says... “you look ugly.” You say back... “Nice, I was trying to look like you.”
2. You're so dumb, I'm surprised you even made it to kindergarten.
3. The ugly vowels: A, E, I, O, and YOU.
James, sike, I lied, your mommy is pancakes, is so dry.
My best friend: Joey, sike, I lied, your Twitch is dry.
My other friends: the winner is................. my guy James!
Me: I broke me bum.
Dad: Oh, that is bad. I will get some Pooh in the toilet so I can heal your bum.
So, a guy and his brother were walking in the woods, and his brother said, "It's getting dark out here, can we go home?"
The man said, "I know, think how I will feel walking home tonight!"