Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Your mom is so fat, she fell down the Grand Canyon and got stuck!
Yo mama is so poor, she asked a homeless guy for money.
Yo momma so dumb, she washes her dishes in the river.
Yo momma so stupid that someone said, "You're not that wealthy," and she went to a doctor.
A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.
The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."
So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"
Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.
Yo momma so fat, she glues together rags as clothes.
Yo mama is so fat, it took Nationwide 15 years to get on her side.
Yo mama so short, she wakes up every day in a brick house singing “Everything is Awesome”.
So, Duracell batteries do run out.
Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?
They are always swinging a stick.
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
It sucks that Stephen Hawking died so soon, the new Intel update just came out.
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"
If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?
Q. Why is Stephen Hawking so good at air guitar?
A. Because he has excellent string theory.
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
