SOS jokes

My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.

So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.

More like so they can fuck him, am I right?

Why does Adam sleep early so his mum and stepdad can fuck on his bed?

So you wanna play like that, ayy? Well, Sydney didn't wanna play like that either, and that's why you got arrested.

Aaron and Ben meet on Grindr. They have a drink and have sex. They wake up in the morning in bed. Aaron says, "I'm so glad I got it out." Ben replies, "What? Oh, just the HIV."

I trained a wolf to meditate, so now she's aware-wolf.

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can watch the expression on their face.

Why is Santa’s sack so big?

Because he only comes once a year.

Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".

Your mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time."

Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.

Your mama is so stupid, when her phone died, she bared it, lol.

My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.

Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."

Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said "Damn!"

Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.

Your mama so fat, she filled up Minecraft's block limit! lol XD

Freshman: Hey, what's better, Ford or Chevy?

Senior: I don't f**kin' care as long as it drives.

Freshman: So, I'm guessing it's Chevy?

Yo mama so stupid, when her phone dies, she buries it.

It was so windy I saw a chicken lay the same egg twice!