Fishing is like sex: when it is great, it is great; when it is not so great, it is still great!
I want diabetes so I can drink loads of Coke. - Louie Fennell 2018
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
I like my women thick, so if they aren't over 375 pounds, they're not stepping into my room.
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
You're so poor you stink like poo-poo in your doo-doo.
Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
Yo mama so hairy, you got carpet burn when you were born.
Yo mama so blind that when she played Fortnite, she got her vision back, got 'em!
Why is Hugh's mum so fucking fat?
Because she ate the 34 other kids she had but now only has 6,789.
So three retards walk into a classroom...
Sike, it was the garbage. They mistook it for their classroom.
so, stephen hawking walks into a bar, wait he cant.
I was reading a book about Gravity. It was so hard to put down!
Why is it so hard to make a party on Earth?
Because you need to planet.
Yo mama's so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out of the way.
Yo mama so stupid she thought that fruit punch was a boxer
A gay guy asked me for directions, so I told him to go straight.
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
