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SOS jokes

So a blond and a brunette jumped out of a plane. Who hit the ground first?

The blond because she had to ask for directions.

You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!

"Yah, I do!"

Oh yeah? What is it?

"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"

That’s breathing, Jim.

"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"

a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion

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    • I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.

    That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?

    Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.

    I went to China and said, "I have a big cock," so they thought I said they look like a cock. Then I realized I said it in English.

    Our teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall for no reason, so I said, "Hey wall, that ass flat like a pancake from McDonald's."

    Why do people name a kid "Rob?" Because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in their basement for a late-night toy.

    Why is North Korea so good at Geometry?

    Because they have a supreme ruler.

    Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says, "I have some good news and bad news."

    So the patient says, "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies, "I have had to amputate both your legs." So the patient says, "Well, what is the good news?" The Doctor replies, "I have found someone to buy your slippers."

    Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

    But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

    I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle. So I bought an iron whistle. But ironically it steel wooden lead me whistle.

    So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)