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SOS jokes

The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?

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    • A happy mother: "Why is your sister so quiet?! And how did you get super glue stuck on your penis?!"

  • 1

    • So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."

    I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle.

    So I bought a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle.

    So THEN I bought a LED whistle but it steel wooden LED me whistle.

    Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?

    Please take this down, it's not funny at all!

    It's a joke, not a dick, so don't take it so hard!

    Yo mama so hairy, when the baby came out, the baby died because of carpet burning!

    One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.

    This isn't a joke.

    There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.

    JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!

    I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.

    Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."

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    • I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...

    I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.

    There once was a Mexican named Quan. He never talked about Dose. What happened to Dose?

    Quan and Treis raped him. Once Quattro came out, they killed him. They were too poor to afford food, so they ended up eating Dose and Quattro.

    After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"

    Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"

    These nine kids were being bullied by these 10 guys in an alley. So, I thought I would help.

    It was 9/11 all over again.

    My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.