Why does everyone like couch jokes?
Because they are sofa-nny (so funny)!
Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.
Your mama is so stupid, she bought tickets for Xbox Live.
Your mama is so stupid, she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.
Your mama is so stupid that when she heard drinks were on the house, she grabbed a ladder.
Why is Santa's sack so big? He only cums once a year.
My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.
I'm so poor that I had to rob a food bank for a loaf of bread.
When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:
"Enjoy the little things."
This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."
An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
Why are hill billies so weird? Because their name is Billy.
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and he just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!
There is a ghost baseball game and one team loses because of one player so they start booing him!
So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.
Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"
Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."
So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.
I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.
I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."
Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, global warming starts.
