SOS jokes

A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.

A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.

What is so annoying? A younger sister.

So, a neutron went to a bar. He asked the bartender how much for a beer. The bartender said, "For you, no charge."

I ran out of bras, so I wore...

My grandma's underpants!

Why are you so tired if you can’t see? Because you are blind.

Why are basements so scary? Cuz of the mail.

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.

Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"

So I saw the police. I yelled, "Dumper, get into the fucking yumper!"

I heard they're making a film about Jimmy Savile, it's a very touchy subject.

I heard the film about is so boring it puts you to sleep.

Yo mama so ugly, she made everybody's face fall off.

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

Yo mama so fat, she the iceberg.

Yo mama so fat, she the iceberg.

Yo' mama is so stupid, she couldn't find a needle in a haystack.

Yo' mama is so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for her gumball.

Aliana is so fat, she can't fit through a hula hoop.

Yo' mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.

Yo' mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.

Yo' mama so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.