SOS jokes

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Five minutes later, she agreed to get with me, so we went and rocked the minivan like, "Giggity, Giggity, Giggity!"

Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"

yo mama so fat she went swimming with the whales and sang "weeeeeee areeeee fammmilllyyyyy!!!!!!!"

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    • Yo mama so fat that when she walked past the TV, you missed 3 episodes of your favorite show.

    I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

    So I added Paul Walker on Xbox the other day, and it’s annoying cause all he does is sit on the dashboard.

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    • Your mum is so fat, when she sat in a monster truck, it turned into a lowrider.

    Hi, everyone. Serious question. Would it be illegal to decapitate a worm? Asking for a friend, he's so worried we're going to jail. I'm not. I'm fine. Please reply fast.

    If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.

    You also can't breathe if you die.

    So why isn't it debreathiation?

    My friend says, "Time flies when having fun," so when he was gaming, I threw his clock to test that theory.

    A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.

    The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."

    Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."

    So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"

    The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"

    The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"

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    • My son always said he wanted to skydive, so we went on a plane, and mid-flight, we had to jump out. The only issue is we were on a commercial flight to Arizona.

    You used to call me on your cellphone when you need my love.

    Mad girl: SHUT UP! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! I DON'T WANT TO CALL YOU ON MY CELL PHONE!

    Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"

    Have you ever met a kid who’s so fat that they can’t even be accepted to “My 600lb Life”? They need a higher-ranking one!