SOS jokes

Why did I f*** my dad?

So I could have s€x without my mom finding out. Should I not have done that?

Why is sex with pandas so much fun?

I don't know, it just is. 🐼

So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.

So if I drink alcohol, you're an alcoholic. But if I drink Fanta, I’m fantastic.

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.

Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.

Yo mama so fat, she the iceberg.

Why is the sun so attractive? Because it is burning hot!

Why do orphans go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

Why are Bengalis so fishy?

Because the fish ate them on a daily basis.

Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-

Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.

Why are Deepika Amar's jokes so shit?

Because he is a smelly cunt.

Here in IHOP, we serve pancakes, not pie cakes. If so, we can always bring in a chart that will power the customer. His smile will remain at its current form, and police surely resisted when I said the word "surely."

My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.

So my friend's birthday was coming up, so I got him a new box to live in.

It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)

People so dumb they think they're "transblind" like WTF, idiots!

Yo mama so fat, she's the reason why Slenderman has no eyes.

So, a person walked into a shop.

Shop guy: "Hey RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD."

This is REALLY funny.

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I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.

I saw some toilet paper rolls rolling in the wind.

So I called, "Toilet Papers Rolling In!"