SOS jokes
The nut is so solid, it’s peanut brittle.
So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
"Let it go, LET IT GO!" Blah blah blah whatever the rest of the song says dun dun blah blah blah my mom never bothered me anyway.
I'm bored 😴 so that's why I sang in my wonderful voice for a few seconds and wasted your time.
So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.
Your momma is so fat, she was in a movie and the screen broke!
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!
So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Your hairline is so big, it was used as a highway.
Why is my sister so annoying? Because put your own thing in.
My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.
My sister is so short she can't walk.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
So I laughed at their chalk outline.
Yo mama so fat, she called Dr. Seuss and he couldn’t even rhyme back.
Your mom is so fat, she played bowling with the planets.
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
Your forehead is so big we could fit the whole alphabet on there.
God said, “Let there be light,” so it beamed off your forehead, and so I turned into Stevie Wonder and called it night.
People are so f***ed up. I belated "Frickin' BTW!"
EVERYONE:
"My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?"