SOS jokes

My sister said that I am a baby, so I said, "Waa, waa."

I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.

Your forehead is so big Mega Mind gets jealous.

So I found out a rainbow is basically where a guy ejaculates in a female's mouth and she swallows her period juice and they both kiss each other, swishing it together in each other's mouth, and it forms a rainbow.

And a strawberry shortcake is basically where a dude ejaculates on a female's face and then punches her in the nose, causing her to bleed. That's why it's called a strawberry shortcake.

A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.

Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself," she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.

‘BJ Titsngolf’

2k14 was so realistic when I switched to Kobe, the pass button stopped working.

My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."

My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.

Your dick is so small they thought you were a girl when you came into the world.

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

Yo mama's so fat, she wrestled a polar bear and won.

Yo mama's so fat, her pad is a king-size mattress.

I have so many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

Why are the English so good at chess? Because their Queen never dies.

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.

I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

My grief counselor died the other day.

He was so good at his job, I don't even care.

Yo momma's so ugly that she made One Direction turn into the Other Directions.

Yo momma is so dumb that she couldn't even get three words into this joke. Maybe that's why she gave it a thumb's down...

Yo mama is so ugly that not even goldfish smile back at her.