SOS jokes
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender
I broke up with my girlfriend, so I stole her wheelchair, and guess who came crawling back.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two towers.
When you have to fight an emo kid, but he brings his friends, so you gotta fight the Suicide Squad. But you gotta get the boys to help you.
Yo mama so old when she farts, dust comes out.
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The woman said stop, but the man kept going, so the wife just kept fucking.
Emos are so predictable: sleep, eat, cut, repeat.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So they had someone to call Father.
Your forehead so big, I think that's what Kobe crashed into.
Yo mama is so fat that when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.
Did you eat Chef Boyardee's food?
No, why?
Boy are deez nuts so big.
Have you learned SoDN in chemistry? It's so hard.
What's SoDN?
Suck on deez nuts.
Why was Huggy Wuggy not able to hug Cody’s mom?
Because she was so fat he couldn’t fit his arms around her.
There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:
"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."
Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"
The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"
If a girl says no twice 🤔.
Mathematically that’s a yes, so you’re good to go!
You ever had sex with a woman that is so fat, it counted as a threesome?
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”