SOS jokes

Why are Americans so bad at chess?

Because they have already lost 2 towers!

I used to keep asking a woman if I can rape her until she got so annoyed and said, "Stop asking me."

Badminton: Your breath is so bad that you have to take a mint before you go on Fortnite.

Badminton: Your breath is so bad that you have to take a mint before you go on Fortnite.

My friend told me to name a country in Africa.

So I said, "Hungry."

My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh, this? I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."

Life would be so much easier if grass was emo.

Because it would cut itself.

I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.

I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on layaway.

Your forehead is so big it blocked my phone service!

Why are cancer kids so fly?

Because they got the drip.

Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"

I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."

Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?

Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.

The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!

You're so skinny the world turns to the left!

Why are orphans so good at GTA?

Because they're not wanted.

Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.

Say, "Hey, you're pretty." Then she'll say, "OMG, thank you so much," or something cringe. Then you say, "Pretty f***ing ugly, aha, gottie!"

Your hairline goes so far back even Dora the Explorer couldn’t find it.