Someone Jokes

Family

When the bully says, "You're adopted," so you hit him with, "At least someone wanted me!"

Orphan

I don't get it.

Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".

Orphan

Why did the male orphan decide to be gay?

Because he wanted someone to call "daddy."

Orphan

Why do orphans like to have sex?

So they can finally have someone to call "daddy."

Orphan

Why did the female orphan become a prostitute?

Because she wanted someone to call "daddy".

9/11

If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.

That one really *crashed and burned*.

Forehead

When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.

Orphan

Why did the orphan become a stripper?

So she could have someone to call daddy.

Language

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

Assault

I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.

Priest

When someone got the ghost in them, sound in the Priest Busters.

When something strange and it ain't no who you gonna call? Priest Busters.

Orphan

Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.

The orphan: But why?

Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.

Orphan

Why does an orphan like church so much? So he can call someone "father."

Masturbation

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

Suicide

Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide

Me: Aren't they the same thing?