My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Some times I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.
yo mommas so fat when she gets in a monster truck it turns into a lowrider
i saw a girl crying i asked her were are your parents she cried as I got kicked out of the orphanage
I told someone some jokes y'know fruit ninja, barcode legs, french puppet thigh wrings. And she was like saying thats not cool and stuff. So she reported me and it was like. The counselor: So i've heard you've been making sh jokes? Me: You say it like it's a bad thing Her: It is Me: chill bro it aint that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)
Your mum went to the dentist so she could install blue tooth
i saw a girl crying i told her where are your parents She cried more after that i got kicked out of the Orphanage
Why do trans women go by she/her? Because if they went by her/she they'd be chocolate
A women decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.
’About 32,’ is the reply.’
‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.<br> A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.
A Karen is so stupid,she cant even cross the Hairline
Your mama so fat she’s on both sides of the family
Or is she asking her son, “Do you know Newton?” The boy said, “No, I don’t know.” She said to him, “If you had paid attention to your lessons, you would have known him!!” The boy said, “Ok, do you know Ikhlod?” She said to him, “No, who is she?” He said to her, “If you had paid attention to your husband, you would have known her.” The important thing is that the boy is currently a week with his uncles and a week with his turbans.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.
The way ladies cheat nowadays is very alarming. She might give birth to twins, but each twin having a different father. 😭
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push
charlenes hair kine was so fat that she was so bald and fat
"I met a girl and she's 28"
Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade"
-AJR
I gave my sister and compliment and say she's pretty than while she was saying thanks I said pretty ugly.
Me: you are pretty her: thanks me: pretty ugly
I told my mom to get rope for a project and when she got home I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
yo mama so fat when she jumped in the ocean the whales said we are family even though your fatter than me
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
