self-destructive behavior jokes

brb makin' tic tac toe boards on myself.

I wish my nails were emo so that they would cut themselves.

My wife said she wanted to leave me. She said it’s because of the abuse, but really, she’s the one abusing herself by drinking alcohol and got poisoning the next day. This shows almost half of the woman’s population is weak both physically and mentally.

I don't struggle with self-harm, I do it everyday.

I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.

I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.

I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...

Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.