self-destructive behavior jokes

brb makin' tic tac toe boards on myself.

I wish my nails were emo so that they would cut themselves.

My wife said she wanted to leave me. She said it’s because of the abuse, but really, she’s the one abusing herself by drinking alcohol and got poisoning the next day. This shows almost half of the woman’s population is weak both physically and mentally.

Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.

I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.

Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?

I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.