Safe Sex jokes

Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?

A. He marks the camels that kick.

Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.

Why did two dumb blondes put condoms on the cow's udders because they wanted the cow to practice safe sex?

What's better than having unprotected sex? Getting an abortion.

Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.

Condoms 99 percent effective.

Birth control 99 percent effective.

Etc.

Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)

Condoms? HA! Those are for pussies!

A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.

Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.

Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.

A fake name and a fake phone number.

Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.