Resort

Resort jokes

Campground

I think the local nudist campground just went out of business.

The sign on their gate says:

"Clothed Until Further Notice."

Memes

Parachute

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

Deer

When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer, but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.

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  • Sex

    So... here's da scoop, alright... *licks KFC off lips* so, I was caught having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean?

    I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: "Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?"

    Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me?

    But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13!

    Alas, I'm writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I'll be writing jokes from hell from now on.

    Man

    How do you spot a blind man in a nudist resort?

    It's not hard.

    Rap

    WORLDWIDE RAP: Takin’ a Battery Park tour in Calgary, a Mali rapport and a factory in Lahore in an Annapolis store, Calgary's core, went to Nairobi’s floor and visited Valerie Moore, then bought some Shanghai decor and got salaries in Seoul’s war, studied the Vatican’s lore, wanted to see Manhattan’s allure and visit the Galilee shore to check Napoli’s score, a tragedy in Warsaw, Palmyra before, check out the cavalry corps, went to a Bali resort, a Madrid encore but had to take a Hackney detour.

    Tube

    So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.

    Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.

    At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.

    While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that."

    So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.

    Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!

    Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.

    Same thing goes when you are at bible study with a handsy priest.

    Memes

    Community

    I have something to get off my chest. Addressing misconceptions and misinterpretations is crucial for fostering mutual understanding and preventing erroneous assessments. When communication is unclear or intentions are misunderstood, it can lead to confusion and hinder progress. Therefore, it's essential to articulate the reasoning behind recent endeavors clearly. Clear communication not only helps to bridge gaps in … Read more

    Day one of making my word rarely to never heard; Was shit, obviously as expected. It's turning into more of an experiment that ends once the person who caused this chaos fixes it. They only have a month though, if it's not fixed by then I will spend all of my days only speaking as a last resort. I doubt anyone will read this, so if you did type your favorite fruit in the comments. I told my friend I would learn sign … Read more

    why are some of yall wanting to online date here..? like if you get to the last resort to find ppl online, don't go here. date someone in person or on another platform lmao. i love someone rn and i cant tell them how i feel bc we are best friends. we hug, kiss on the cheek, hold hands, but nothing more. anyway just dont date here. it causes drama and literally everybody here can see it so thats just embarrassing. please save yourself and us unneeded attention