Puns
What do you call a blind German? Someone who can't Nazi!
What site does a vegetable go to when he/she is stressed?
cornhub.com
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered, "Y?"
I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
Why did 6 hate 7?
Because 7 ate 9!
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
What's black and white and red all over?
The darkness of your heart, the dishonor of your lies, and the embarrassment you feel when busted for both.
If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?
A "retiree."
Why did the orphans miss most of the basketball games?
They missed the homecoming games.
What does a volcano say when it has a runny nose?
"I have runny volcanoes."
I'd make a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy. I know y'all have too thick of a crust to get it!
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?
Me: Word.
What is the same between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
I hate stairs. They are always up to something.
I love stairs. They are always down to party.
What do you call your mom?
Monkey.
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.
Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.
I got banana nut bread for you.
Oh no, the nuts are missing!
Oh, I found them!
You know where they are?
UP YOUR BUTTHOLE!
What's the difference between a car and a car?
I have absolutely no idea, sorry.
Mmmm, bread. I love Panera Bread.
This is unrelated, but where I live, there is no Panera Bread. Y'know what that's called?
No Panera Bread.