Pretend Jokes

i went to the pharmacy the other day. i tried to buy a pack of condoms but i pretended i didnt have enough money to mess with the cashier. i went back into the aisles of the store got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap bought them and walked out. i loved the look on the casheirs face when they saw my decision.

me: pretend ur name is “puberty”

friend: ok?

me: IMMA HIT PUBERTY!

*hits my friend*

A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left. The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?” The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”

Urban areas are fill with terrorists, feminists, liberals, and murderers. Which one is not like the others? Murderers because they don't pretend to have a cause

*my mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she recieved it from her cousin* (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)

*Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed of the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile* (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ⁠◡⁠ಠ

tell an old person to pretend shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see

Pretend you are an old man who is 77 years old and there are 7 doors ,witch door should you pick. The seventh door

why do Emos love Christmas? so they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. hope u liked it, happy holidays!

9/10/01

Bush: “Ok i e got this just act surprised and pretend to be sad and declare war on Afghanistan”

After the school shooting, Joe pretended to be a victim while his sister are the flesh of the fallen