Prescription Jokes

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.

Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.

Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.

Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?

Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?

A lady weightlifter goes to the doctor and says "doctor I have a confession". The doctor asks "what is that?" She replies, "I've been using steroids and....I think I've grown a penis". The doctor looks at her and asks "anabolic?" There's an awkward silence then she replies "no, just a penis".

Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.

Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.

Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills.

Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him?

Doctor: They Are For You.!!

A man gets an email from his doctor

"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tommarrow"

The man thinks to himself "oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"

A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’

if you need to squint to read this... you probably need glasses

Why do pills work? Because they r white

I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.

Why did the library book go to the doctor? -- It needed to be checked out.