What did one chair say to the other? "I'm so bummed out!"
Your friend lost his left arm and After getting Out of the hospital you ask him if he’s OK He says yeah I’m all RIGHT
the 2nd worst thing that happened to an orphan was finding out the milk man passed
I ordered my sandwich at a restaurant on 9/11 spicy, it came out plain
Me in the middle of the night boiling water.
Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water. My brother: How Me: You boil the hell out of it.
What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the childs body.
I got carded at a liquor store and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out . The cashier said never mind
This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."
What do emo's do when they meet up? They hang out
I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.
Yo forehead is so big Albert Einstein couldn’t figure out the measurement of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So when I'm about to take a shower my mom says take a shower when I'm about to take out the trash my mom says take out the trash
I thought that kid was walking cool when I had my ears shut turns out he was moaning
Why did the orphan cross the road.Because his parents couldn’t help him out
Why did you parents abandon you? Because the first thing you dad said to be was; GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WIFE.
I got kicked out of the library for putting the Women's Rights book in the fantasy section.
You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.
How is toilet paper recycled?
Easier than you would think, but first they have to process the crap out of it.
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents. " Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white." The mother rushes the boy to the hospital while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm. "How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" He exclaims. The wife looks up at him. "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection."
I walked into an orphanage and asked a kid why are they crying They said: Because I lost my parents I said: lets find them they cried harder so I walked out of the orphanage.
