Outing

Outing jokes

I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.

In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.

You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.

  • 4

    • Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson, and Marilyn Manson all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Why don't you take a seat, right over there?" Turns out the bartender was Chris Hansen himself.

  • 1

    • A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.

    A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.

    The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”

    A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

    Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

    Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

    "Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

    Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."

    Check out my new song. It’s called “Nlggas in the hood,” and it’s really good, so go listen.

    Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.

    True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.

    (Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)

    What's worse than sticking 12 raw oysters up your grandma's pussy and sucking them out?

    Sticking 12 raw oysters up there and sucking out 13.

    What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?

    Finding out it was traced.

  • 2

    • The Demon when it gets summoned to earth only to find out it was a spelling mistake in Latin class. 😬

    Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!

    1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.