Outing jokes
How do you know when a football player has been to jail?
When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
When an orphan finds out who their parents are, and then finds out they're dead.
A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.
I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.
If you’re American when you go in the bathroom...
... and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...
I just figured out the "X" in Max stands for the button on Tinder every girl wants to press when they see him.
Why is everyone trying to make a big deal out of this? My family were only flying to Pakistan and crashed into 2 towers.
Yo, Dad is so skinny, he doesn't work out enough.
Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.
These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.
A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.
The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.
Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.
Hey, I just found out my toaster is waterproof! :D
Is your ass jealous of the shit that came out of your fucking mouth?
Yo mama so ugly... when she went to the haunted house... she came out... WITH A JOB APPLICATION!
The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees, and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.
The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun, and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.
The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies, "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.
The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect its balls, you put the handcuffs on it."
This all seems to make sense to the man, but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."
I would take out the trash, but my mom said you weren't ready!!! XD
Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.