Outing jokes
Should I buy COVID-19 or wait until COVID-20 comes out?
Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.
The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.
The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"
Kid goes to the kitchen.
Mom: What are you doing here?
Kid: Just checking out the knife.
Mom: So you've chosen death.
Why is the orange đ the fastest fruit?
Because it never runs out of juice.
Why does a married heterosexual man want an anonymous blowjob at a glory hole inside an adult bookstore?
Because he doesn't want his wife to find out that he got a blowjob from another man.
A FedEx plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa, but the cargo door wasn't shut properly, and only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?
Time's up! You took too long; you only had 4 seconds to answer it.
How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?
Open the fridge, put the elephant in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.
How did she survive?
Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off, but she was rescued 8 minutes later.
You want to know the bad thing? Only 5 out of 6 people like Russian roulette.
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
A girl invites her friends to come to her birthday party, and at the party, one of her friends poops their pants.
When Sally finds out, she yells, âI never should have invited you to my party! You are a party pooper!â
Two lions plan their escape from the circus. The night they get out of their cages, they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road.
As one lion gets a bite of leg, the second takes a piece of shoulder.
Then one stops and asks his companion:
"Does this taste funny to you?"
What is white and comes out after you have sex?
Cum!
A man walked into a toilet and saw a woman fingering a man and said, "I think you're doing it wrong." Turns out it was two transvestites.
A guy once went hunting at a Hunting Ranch owned by a Hunter and his Wife. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in Rancherâs Living-room. There they were having a grand ole time until the Rancherâs wife walks in. The Hunter looks at her and says âthatâs a nice piece of ass you got your self there.â The Rancher replied â(with a harsh southern accent from years of cigarette smoke) Youâve never been so right in your life, honey why donât show our guest your tits.â She agrees and then shows the hunter her plump DD cup breast. After he gets a good gander he says âNice.â Then Rancher shouted âshow em yer peker now Hon.â She agreed and whipped out a 13inch Johny, and twirled it around like how an Elephant would move his. Now dazed and confused the Hunter yells out âWhat in Sam Hill is that!!â and the Rancher replied âNow....Lemme tell you..There ainât a thing like itâ.
A guy once went hunting at a hunting ranch. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in the rancherâs living room. There they were having a grand ole time then the rancherâs wife walks in. The hunter says, âThatâs a nice piece of ass you got yourself there.â The rancher replied with a harsh, raspy Southern chuckle from years of Marlboro Reds, âYouâve never been so right in your life. Honey, why donât you show our guest your tits?â She agrees and shows the hunter her plump DD cup breasts.
The hunter says, âNice.â Then the rancher said, âShow âem yer pecker now.â She agreed and whipped out a 13 incher. Dazed and confused, the hunter says, âWhat in Sam Hill is that?!â And the rancher replied, âNow... lemme tell you... there ainât a thing like it.â
2019 Senior Prank: Hey fellas, let's black out the school. Haha, we're so sneaky, oh yes!
2020 Senior Prank: Hey guys, I'm a tech whiz, let's spread a rumor on the internet saying a disease called the corona virus exists! Haha, it'd be so funny and good, even the whole world might fall for it!
Everyone in December 2020 looks at tech whiz: "...you son of a b*tch!!!"
Tech whiz: "You guys are the a**holes! I mean you fell for it for a whole year!"
The streets go blank in the dead of the day, not a car to be seen.
A kingdom of corona-cation, and it looks like mom's the queen.
The wind is howling with this virus in the air.
Couldn't keep it in China, everyone knows it's everywhere.
Don't let friends in, don't be afraid.
Be the good girl you always have to be.
Conceal, don't feel your insanity, that the virus caused!
Don't let it go! Don't let it go! You have to hold it back a little more! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Turn away and slam your doors!
I don't care what the government says! Let me go to my friend's house.
Sickness doesn't get to me anyway.
It's funny how some distance makes everyone insane, and the fears that once controlled me are here and present, oh well!
It's time to see what I can do to test the limits and break through!
No right, no wrong, but stay inside!
WE'RE NOT FREE!!
Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Be one with the peace inside!! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Watch sad movies and cry!! Here I stand!! And here I'll stay!! 'Cause I have nothing better to do.
The virus flurries through the air into my house!
The storm is spiraling, fear and fractals all around!!
And one thought makes you wanna scream and shout out loud!!
What if we never go back? What if the past is in the past????
DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! And you'll rise at the break of noon! DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! That's morning girl is gone!! HERE I STAND IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT 'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN I WOKE UP!! Let the virus rage on!!!!!! The sickness never gets to me anyway. DING.
Boy, your momma so ugly sheâs denied from the homeless parties in the dumpster.
Quiet kid, your momma so funny she made a joke pop out her a*s.
I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.
What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?
A hipster!
Just to get things straight, I'm NOT, I repeat, NOT racist, but this joke goes out to all the people who talk about other people with darker skin than the other person.
Bully: Your skin is so black and ugly (for the 5th time).
Me: I'm so happy you love my skin color!
Bully: Ew, no I don't!
Me: Then why do you keep talking about it?