Off jokes
I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.
Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.
OTHERS (MOTIVATED): If I had FLYING as a SUPERPOWER, FALLING would be the BEGINNING STAGE.
ME (DEPRESSED): OK, GOOD IDEA! LETS FALL OFF THE CLIFF AND FLY TO HEAVEN!!
What goes hahaha bonk?
A man laughing his head off.
Jimmy Savile should have presented Pop off the Tops instead of Top of the Pops.
You're so white that when I turn off the lights, you're a night light.
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.
Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
Just hire some people to be fake parents and print off an adoption paper. On April Fools', just leave them there at the orphanage! APRIL FOOLS!
Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the stage at the performance?
She was standing way too close to the dancers.
Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the squad?
She was standing way too close to the dancers.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
I like sucking the Twin Towers off, but then I forgot dad already finished the job.
I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"
My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.
I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.
What do you say before you jump off a building?
Parkour!
Flat earthers are completely wrong. If the earth was flat, I would have yeeted myself off the edge years ago!
I bought an anti-bullying wristband. I say I bought it; I stole it off a fat ginger kid.
We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.
TRUE STORY!
X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen.
I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her!
Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!