Off jokes
A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"
Why did the orphan fall off the mountain? Because his parents let go.
Why did my dad leave me and my mum?
I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"
How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb? None! They are still too busy trying to turn off the dark.
Click...uh Click..........,.UH!!
Confucius say, never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid: you’ll lose every time and only hurt yourself.
(mono gloid? mong a’ loid squeals)
Did you hear the one about the dog raised by retards?
All he’d do is go “Uh-f, uh-f....Ooohhhh!”
What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
Why did the priest go to the clothing sale at Walmart?
He heard that little boy's pants were half off.
I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.
I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.
Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.
OTHERS (MOTIVATED): If I had FLYING as a SUPERPOWER, FALLING would be the BEGINNING STAGE.
ME (DEPRESSED): OK, GOOD IDEA! LETS FALL OFF THE CLIFF AND FLY TO HEAVEN!!
What goes hahaha bonk?
A man laughing his head off.
Jimmy Savile should have presented Pop off the Tops instead of Top of the Pops.
You're so white that when I turn off the lights, you're a night light.
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.
Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
Just hire some people to be fake parents and print off an adoption paper. On April Fools', just leave them there at the orphanage! APRIL FOOLS!
Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the stage at the performance?
She was standing way too close to the dancers.
Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the squad?
She was standing way too close to the dancers.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"