New Off Jokes - Page 25 - Worst Jokes Ever

When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)

My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."

I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

The lady says, "Come again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

Why does Michael Jackson like to shop at Walmart?

Little boys' pants are half off!

I wrote a few jokes:

What does a 15-year-old boy do without two hands when his parents are not at home? Well, obviously do not jerk off.

Yesterday a girl from my job invited me to her home and there I had crazy sex. I could not think that her mother is so hot.

What will happen the morning after the destruction of humanity? Duncan MacLeod makes himself breakfast.

What do girls after sex with Pinocchio?

Wash off the birch sap from the face.

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”

Yo mama so fat that when she farted, Big Shaq took off his jacket.

What is an emo kid's favorite song?

"Chain Hang Low" because he hangs low off a chain tied to a tree.

A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."

The man asks, "Why?"

The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"

Why did the orphan fall off the mountain? Because his parents let go.

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb? None! They are still too busy trying to turn off the dark.

Click...uh Click..........,.UH!!

Confucius say, never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid: you’ll lose every time and only hurt yourself.

(mono gloid? mong a’ loid squeals)

Did you hear the one about the dog raised by retards?

All he’d do is go “Uh-f, uh-f....Ooohhhh!”

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

Why did the priest go to the clothing sale at Walmart?

He heard that little boy's pants were half off.

I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.

Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.