Off jokes
I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.
Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
Not Bob.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?
Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.
My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.
Why did Stephanie fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Not Stephanie!
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
Your mum is so stupid, she tried to take the crown off a "Keep Calm and Carry On" poster so that she could become the new queen of England.
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?
They're both fun to flip off.
Fuck off!
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Why did the accountant fall off his bicycle?
Because he lost his balance!
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally!
Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms!
Sally fell off the swing.
Sally has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.