Off jokes
Your mum is so stupid, she tried to take the crown off a "Keep Calm and Carry On" poster so that she could become the new queen of England.
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?
They're both fun to flip off.
Fuck off!
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Why did the accountant fall off his bicycle?
Because he lost his balance!
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally!
Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms!
Sally fell off the swing.
Sally has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes into a bank, they turn off the cameras.
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?
Call her on the phone.
What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
It got pissed off.
Why did they call off the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner.